How to House Hunt

Currently, we live two blocks from each other in a very cool neighborhood with no zoning. Thus, we refer to it as the "all rent district"... government subsidized housing next to million dollar homes. It's quite unique. We wanted desperately to stay in said neighborhood when we moved into a new place.

We had certain criteria on top of location. We've given up driving whenever possible so our new home had to be in walking or biking distance of most everything. We were also looking for a yard for our dog (or at least a place that would accept dogs... that was tricky). We wanted a porch, a place to store our bikes, a washer/dryer, enough room for my at-home workspace, and oh, yeah, a low, low price.

We used a realtor and good ol' craigslist to come upon our awesome place. Ironically, it's around the corner from our church. It's the bottom floor (we have an upstairs neighbor) of a 1920s Victorian house and met every single requirement we had. No dishwasher, but since FH will be doing the dishes and he doesn't care about that, no worries.

I'm not really into urban renewal and gentrification. I understand tearing down beat up, abandoned houses that really can't be saved. But getting rid of perfectly quality houses just because they aren't new just makes me sad. My grandmother is the last original owner on her street, having lived in her house over 50 years. Two-story new construction houses are going up around her, and I want to stand in front of the wrecking-ball so her house won't go down.

Anyway, back to our house. Our upstairs neighbor has lived there a while and told us some of the history (I love history!). Apparently our neighborhood was the site of a very large state fair back in the day, and he assumes our house (which looks identical to many on the street from the same era) was a boarding house for folks who spent a few weeks at the fair. Given the extremely odd layout of the place, that makes sense. He's also convinced it might be haunted, but I don't believe in ghosts, so we're good.

It's so fun to imagine the stories of the lives of people who have lived in our place the past 80+ years. What a story to build on for our first home together.

How to Shower

So apparently when you get married, people give you a lot of parties. That's really fun!

Today was the first of "shower season," as I'm calling it. Our church hosted a couples' shower for us and it was a lot of people I love in one room. One of my bridesmaids took the day off work yesterday to prepare gourmet desserts, including drawing our monogram in icing on the cake. Her husband actually torched the creme brule right before the party started. Minus a slight malfunction of the chocolate fountain, it was all pretty perfect.

We played the "Newlywed Game" which tests trivia like the first movie you saw together, your first kiss, etc. We got most of them the same, even "what's the most embarrassing thing you've done in front of your fiance"... FH answered "nothing she's perfect" and I had said "nothing, I'm too cool." Then we played a really awkward game where I was blindfolded and had to feel the hands of 5 different guys to see if I would choose my G2B. Sadly, I chose my BSIL, thinking it was my FH. Talk about awkward...

Of course opening gifts was fun... FH didn't know about the tradition that for how many ribbons you break, you are going to have that many babies. Who makes up these rules? Most of the gifts were from our registry, with a few exceptions. One was a set of sheets from my FSIL who doesn't do registries, as she explained (fortunately she has great taste!), and another was vegan banana bread. We also got the exact same gift from two different people... the same cookie sheet and cook book. My parents started a tradition with my sister that she got 6 silk flowers 6 months before her wedding, then 5 flowers 5 months before, and so on. For me, my parents are giving me anniversary date ideas in the countdown to the wedding. This month it was a pasta pot and fancy pasta and sauce for us to make on our one month anniversary.

Really we're just very loved, and "showered" (sorry it was to easy) with affection and support.

How to be Stressed...ish

In my mom's experience as a wedding planner, the last 3 months before the wedding are the craziest. She warned me of this phenomenon, especially just after we were engaged and I thought planning our wedding was the greatest thing ever. It's still the greatest thing ever, but the life stress of all these changes is pretty intense.

Here's what we have going on:

1) FH graduates with his master's next week (hooray!).
2) I'm (sadly) leaving my job of 2 years in 2 weeks. My dissertation is not writing itself and I need to focus on it solely.
3) FH is looking for a job for next academic year and finishing his current job next week. Note that there will be a period of time when neither one of us has a job. Yikes.
4) We're looking for a place to live. Actually we found the perfect place, we're just waiting for final approval.
5) I'm moving in one month. Then I'm moving again in 2 months. And Eric's moving in 2 months. And finally after the wedding no one will move for a very long time.
6) Our small group is "multiplying". We are quite huge, so we are making more groups out of the large community group we have.
7) We are still, obviously, planning a wedding. Thankfully all the big stuff is done, it's just the little details and pulling everything together.

The funny thing is, I don't feel stressed most of the time b/c I'm so happy about my life. I do, however, have random breakdowns or get exhausted all of a sudden. Then I remember all that we have going on and remember that I'm stressed. :) But it's a good stress, a time of excitement and possibility and transformation that's weird and beautiful.

How to Shop for Rings... Again

So when I was shopping for my FW's engagement ring, I really wanted to find a conflict-free diamond. As important as our marriage is, I didn't want to fund any wars or genocides with my purchase. Fortunately, conflict-free diamonds have become "cool" now (I love that being socially and environmentally conscious is now popular. It makes me feel a little cooler and much more of a conformist than I would like to admit). Anyway, there are many jewelers that now offer quality conflict-free diamonds at very affordable prices.

Well, it is time for us to purchase wedding bands. Neither of us want anything fancy, and I was always under the impression that most wedding bands were pretty simple, that the only major choice was what kind of metal to get. I was very wrong about this. There are some pretty ornate designs for both men and women. Many of them also contain a variety of stones. Probably the most interesting type we have come across are wooden rings although Lord of the Ring replica rings are a close second (I wonder if you can get it engraved... One ring to rule them all...). I think it is great that there is truly something out there for everyone. The Internet really has just about anything you can imagine, and it connects us in such interesting ways.

Anyway, I am getting my FW's ring from a site called Brilliant Earth. They sell conflict-free jewelry, and most of it is made out of recycled metals as well (because green and peaceful makes it twice as cool). We have decided to engrave each others' rings, so now the only question is what I should put on hers. I have a pretty good idea what it will be, but I haven't had a new poll on here in a while, so I figured I would see which option you guys like best.

Here are the options:
A) One ring to rule them all.
B) I <3 U 4EVR
C) Property of (insert FW's name here)
D) You complete me.

(Disclaimer: None of these are really options I am considering in case you were concerned.)

How to Be Quotable

After reading this post on men taking their wife's name, the following conversation occurred:

FH: I think hyphenating our name is going to be a big pain.
FW: So is patriarchy.
FH: You're right, patriarchy is a much bigger pain!

If I were an illustrator, I'd make that into a comic strip...

How to Choose a Last Name (Part... I Lost Count)

So we are both still going to hyphenate our names, nothing different on that front... However, I have been learning just how inconvenient name changes really are. I realized that if I change my last name, I will have to notify my bank, insurance, credit cards, the DOT, and lots of other institutions. Women have been doing this for years without complaint, but since men are pretty new to the legal name change thing, I feel entitled to complain about it a little.

As troubling as patriarchy can be for women, it can also be annoying for men. For example, some states do not allow a man to change his name legally without going through the courts and paying outrageous legal fees. Furthermore, our culture is so incapable of wrapping its mind around the concept that men may want to change their names, that these institutions often have no idea how to deal with these changes when they happen (here's a hint: do whatever you do when women change their name). Hyphenated names are even more inconvenient. I don't remember there being a hyphen bubble to fill in on the last name slot on the SAT. If I were a conspiracy theorist... if I were MORE of a conspiracy theorist, I might think that this system is designed to prevent men from changing their names and to discourage hyphenating altogether. Unfortunately for them, I am just contrary enough for this to be an encouragement. Besides, I think the inability to deal with male name changes is more a result of sexist assumptions and incompetency than it is a mass conspiracy.

See, sexism can be inconvenient for men too. I leave you with some related questions I commonly mull over for no apparent reason:
1. Could I ever get paternity leave?
2. Will househusband ever be a respected role in our society?
3. My parents one time told me I was Venutian (part of a ridiculously cruel joke), but aren't men from Mars?
4. Is it possible for Christian speakers to talk about marriage without telling the same sexist jokes Cotton Mather probably told his congregation? Incidentally, the most recent offender is this knee-slapper: "When a woman says she has nothing to wear, she means she has nothing new to wear. When a man says he has nothing to wear, he means he has nothing clean to wear." Wasn't that hilarious? I mean seriously, he really got me there. I have never heard that one before.
5. Finally, is a man allowed to go to a "chick-flick" without a date?

How to Empower Women and Save the Earth

So we knew we wanted to use recycled paper for wedding invitations, but I had no idea we'd find something this cool. Thanks to a tip from the Offbeat Bride Tribe, I found WomanCraft.

"WomanCraft, Inc., the social enterprise of Deborah's Place, provides a supportive, authentic workplace where women can

* Earn income
* Engage in meaningful work
* Improve job skills
* Build a work history

Women who are current and former participants and tenants of Deborah's Place are employed as artisans, making handmade, recycled paper and unique jewelry items. Our social mission is achieved by operating a business; all proceeds help women work to create new beginnings." (www.womancraft.net)

It's pretty much the coolest thing ever. The paper is beautiful, and they work with any budget. My FH and I feel blessed to work with them.

BTW, my sister said they other day she felt ashamed for not having recycled wedding invitations. We're not about making people feel ashamed, we're about questioning the system and making changes in our lives where we personally feel we should. For us, the wedding was an important reflection of how we want to live our lives and participate in God's redemptive works. This is about our journey, and the questions. Thanks as always for reading!