How to Weather the Storm

Sigh. It has been a long week and a half for all Houstonians and others who suffered the wrath of Hurricane Ike. Really, really long...

It started for us with an evacuation to my parents house an hour north of the city. We packed for a few days, thinking we'd be home soon. Four of our friends came and we had a "hurricane party" that began with a movie marathon until we lost power, and then lots of board games and long walks.

By Sunday we realized it was going to be a while. My parents were fortunate to have their power restored, and most of their water, that afternoon. But we couldn't go back to our house, so we stayed put.

Tuesday we went back to our house and felt very emotional about it all. Some of our favorite places were severely damaged. The early curfew that took everyone off the streets at 6 pm made everything a little eerie. The long gas lines and grocery stores run off generators made for a lot of stress. So many trees were uprooted.

And of course there are so many good people, handing out water and ice and MREs and helping rebuild. I've never seen so many people at one time working in their yards.

Our house sustained minimal damage... Three outer windows were lifted off by the winds and shattered to the ground (thank God for double-paned windows), a leak in our kitchen ceiling, and some tree damage. Our back yard looks like a jungle now.

I headed to Ohio for a history conference on Wednesday and my husband went to his parents (where they had power). Ohio also suffered a lot of damage as a result of Ike. It's like it wouldn't end. Of course every time someone learned I was from Houston, they inquired about the state of things. I talked about Ike as much as I talked about my dissertation. I went to Ohio hoping when I returned Sunday things would be back to normal. But as the days wore on, I realized things would not be back to normal for a very, very long time. I got more and more emotional about it.

So now I'm home, sitting in my house which now has all the modern conveniences again, and things are far from normal. My husband is back at school but feeling disoriented, and I'm trying to work on my dissertation but distracted by the damage and trying to catch up on all the things we couldn't do the last 10 days. There is, in the city, a collective sense of struggle. We're all trying to be normal but literally taking it one day at a time. People who have nothing have even less now.

And now it's time to rebuild. Oh for the strength to help...

How to Change Your Name

We had a monumentally terrible experience at the DMV trying to change our driver's license, but my husband wants to rant about that. So here is a phone conversation I had today with a representative at Green Mountain Energy (an otherwise fabulous company that provides our pollution-free home energy):

ME: Hi, I'd like to change the last name on our account to our new married name.

GM: You want to change your last name?

ME: Yes, and my husband's.

GM: I can change your name.

ME: OK, but we need to change his name too.

GM: Um, let me put you on hold.

pause

GM: Let me ask you a question. Why would we change his name? You didn't take his last name when you got married?

ME: No (trying to stay calm), we both changed our names, so his name is different. He changed his name too.

GM: To what?

ME: (sigh) We both hyphenated.

GM: Oh. Well I don't think we can change his name. We can change your name. We can only change the names to a legally married name.

ME: Right. That's his legally married name.

GM: Maybe if you faxed your marriage license? I can't just add a name to his name.

ME: But it's his name...

GM: Maybe I can talk to my supervisor, do you want to hold?


Argggh. It's just a hyphen, people. Chill!

His Vows

I am writing these vows at the end of a really long and stressful week, after we have completed list after list of wedding tasks only to find more lists. What helps me most to get through all this craziness is to imagine myself saying these words to you on the best day of our lives, when all the anxiety takes a back seat to your radiant smile and your gleaming eyes. This is the moment that sometimes seemed like it would never come.


I promise to love you forever. I can't promise that it will always be easy or pretty, but I promise that it will be true. I promise to always try to be the husband you deserve, even when we are tired, stressed, angry, or just confused. I promise to hold you when you feel alone, fatigued, and overwhelmed. I promise to provide for you, that is to provide silence when you are still waking up, provide corny jokes when you really don't need them, and provide poorly executed massages when you ask for them. I promise to cherish your laughter and tears even when they come all at once. I promise to respect you even if I think you are wrong, unfair, or just plain crazy. I promise to respect you as my equal in Christ. I promise to trust you in all circumstances, especially when my instinct says I should run and hide. I promise to remember all these promises even after eleven o'clock at night when I have lost the ability to think rationally.


You are more than I dreamed of, and the longer I love you, the more I find to love. You are God's gift to a truly undeserving man, and with His help, I promise to love and honor you with all my heart and soul for the rest of our lives.

How to Boil Water

STEP ONE
Receive an awesome cookbook from your aunt.

STEP TWO
Choose recipes--Tuscan chicken stew, Eggplant parmesan, chocolate chip cookies

STEP THREE
Grocery shop

STEP FOUR
Cook... for a really freaking long time. (lesson learned... if the recipe says one hour, it will take at least 2)
Place what you think is a dutch oven on the stove over medium heat. Apparently though it's a casserole dish and will spontaneously combust in about 2 minutes... exploding and shattering all over the kitchen.
Skin the chicken, even though the recipe was really clear you should have bought skinless in the first place.
Cut up the eggplant. Realize you don't know what the inside of an eggplant it supposed to look like and yours might be bad. Look on wikipedia for a picture. Decide you're ok.
Pour in Italian seasoning on the "pour" side not the "sprinkle" side. Try to scrape as much out of the dish as possible, although what remains is roughly 4x what the recipe calls for.

STEP FIVE
Make a huge mess. Use a different dish for everything. Curse the day you rented an apartment without a dishwasher.

STEP SIX
Enjoy a lovely meal and the wine you didn't use in the recipe.

Vows (the Mrs.)

I respect you as my equal in Christ and I promise to love first God and then you.

You have set me free to be who I am. You love me with a phenomenal and unconditional love that is the most perfect picture of Christ’s love for which I could ask. You have far surpassed my expectations of a partner and you have opened up my heart in such beautiful ways. I love the light in your spirit, your kind heart, and your constant seeking of truth.

I pledge to make Christ the center of our life and to pursue His love and justice together with you. I will honor your dreams, nurture your gifts, and embrace your deepest parts. I will not abandon my individual calling in favor of yours, nor will I allow you to sacrifice your individual calling in favor of mine. Rather, I will live our life together as we are one, pursue our collective callings, and seek interdependence with you. I will always try to fully communicate my feelings, fears, desires, and hopes.

Falling in love with Christ prepared me to fall in love with you, and I know that His love will sustain us, guide us, and impassion us forever.

Wedding Ceremony Recap (by the Mrs.)

I am certainly not going to be able to do this justice! It was the most wonderful day. I know probably all couples say that but it was really fantastic. So intimate and celebratory and joyous and peaceful.

We chose not to see each other before the ceremony so the anticipation was pretty gigantic. I forgot that the bride doesn't get to participate in anything at the beginning, which was kind of a bummer, b/c we planned such cool stuff. Teitur and Snow Patrol on a string quartet, for one. But I treasure the time I had with my dad while we were waiting. The moment I saw my beloved it all felt real, like it was for us and about us and we were entering into something so sacred. He smiled at me so big when he saw me walk down the aisle and I couldn't help but cry. My mom stood up with my dad and I at the front and they gave their blessing, and I took his hand and held on for dear life. I lost it when our good friend read Walt Whitman as an invocational prayer.

Then it came to the vows. Our pastor reworked the traditional vows so they sound a little cooler, and speak of serving each other as Christ loves the Church, which is exactly how we both want to live. Then we read our personal vows to each other from a scroll hand calligraphied by my former roommmate. His were eloquent and sometimes humorous and again, made me cry. I said all the things I wanted to say and loved having everyone hear our vows, it crystallized them somehow.

We got to take communion together, which was very cool. It's meant a lot to us to take communion each week for the last 2 years, and our good friend served us, to remind us of our new covenant.

One of my favorite parts of the ceremony was the prayer/dance. Ok not a prayer dance like a rain dance. All of our attendants came on stage to circle around us and pray, while members of my former dance company danced a beautiful interpretation of the song "Divine Invitation" by Something Like Silas. It was a way to interpret the moment with music, words, movement, and prayer. Amazing.

We walked out to "We Are One Tonight" by Switchfoot, performed on strings, off through the crowd and into the bookstore (fitting, right?). We faced the congregation the whole time so we got to absorb the community of friends and family and support around us. And the pastor introduced us correctly!

Funny moments:

When it was time for me to say "I Do" for the traditional vows, I hadn't been paying attention because I was lost in Eric's eyes and my elation. I hesitated because I wasn't sure it was my turn!

When reciting Revelation 21, the reader said a "bridge" beautifully dressed for her husband instead of "bride." The Mr. kept calling me his "beautiful bridge".

On the way up to serve communion, our friend tripped up the stairs on the stage. My father-in-law thanked him for doing so, because that meant the two of us wouldn't trip (and we didn't).

Several of my relatives thought it was scandalous that I went barefoot for the ceremony. No comment on the dancing, lack of traditional music, the lack of unity in my attendants' dresses, or the fact that we both hyphenated our last name. Just my lack of shoes, go figure.

How to Get a Marriage License

I'm still not sure how I feel about all the legalities of marriage. I believe marriage is a spiritual covenant so it just feels kind of weird to have to sign papers and pay taxes and all that. However, I suppose there is something cool about being legally bound to each other.

We first attempted to get a marriage license a few weeks ago, by going to the Justice of the Peace. That was the wrong place to go but I didn't know that. We stood in line with juvenile delinquents and people paying traffic tickets. When we got to the window we announced we were getting married with a silly grin. She told us to go to the county clerk, the office of whom was of course closed that day.

So we tried again last week. We found the right office and it was open, no big deal. (Although there was a guy distributing literature that said "lower gas prices to Bush's IQ", which was very romantic.) The clerk said he knew my FH was not from Texas because he had such an accent. He has not lived outside of this state for about 25 years. The lack of an accent is not an accent, but East Texans have trouble with that concept sometimes.

Any way, everything went along fine until time to inscribe our name on the official document. Without even asking, the clerk put "Mr. and Mrs. husband's first husband's last". Ugh. I asked him why I didn't get a name. Then we explained that our name would be hyphenated. Thankfully we caught him before the process was finished. But c'mon, it's the freaking 21st century. Doesn't he think that perhaps at least someone wants to do things a little differently? Sigh.

Later that day we went to pick up a Bible that we had engraved. As a wedding gift our pre-marital counselor gave us a family Bible. The store clerk couldn't find it because he didn't understand our name. When he finally located it, he said "oh, right, that combined name one".

Just a small taste of life with a hyphenated name, I'm sure. It's going to be worth the trouble.