How to Design a Monogram

Now that our last name choice is official, we wanted to get a monogram. This was no small feat, considering that most monograms are two small letters (representing the first names of the husband and wife) and one large one (representing the husband's, and now collective, last name). If we went that route we'd have four letters and that just seemed crowded. Then we thought about just a K and an H, but most places can't conceive of two letters, or want to make one a different size, or whatever. No pre-embroidered towels will work for us, that's for sure.


Thankfully, we have lots of talented friends, and one of them happens to be a designer. He did a beautiful job designing our equally-sized K and H. More than that, though, he put a lot of thought and love into it. The K, he says, reminds him of me because it looks like it's dancing. And he worked on the H so that it looks like the H is pulling the K toward it. That's appropriate b/c my FH had to patiently pursue me while I was dancing on my own... Now we're dancing together. So this design is perfect, lovingly conceived and perfect for us.

How to Cut Up a Dress

The dress was the first thing I bought (a mere 5 days after our official engagement). I was so excited about and went to a lot of different places, finally found it on the clearance rack at a snooty store in Plano.

For some reason, wedding dresses are always too long. It doesn't matter how tall you are, they always have to be hemmed. I'm not offbeat enough to wear a red dress or something totally unexpected, so mine needs some work to make it fit.

I went to a "highly recommended" seamstress who works in a fancy shop with chandeliers and nice seating. I tried on the dress and she suggested that she would have to take the dress apart (i.e. dissemble it) and put it back together. That sounded pretty extreme to me, so my mom and I asked a lot of questions. I made one suggestion, and she responded that if we did that it would flatten my chest, and she didn't want to make that worse. Obviously that was uncalled for, and I responded that I was confident in my bust size and didn't want to add a bunch of padding and artificial nonsense.

Finally, she declared that she didn't want to do the alterations on my dress. She promptly unzipped it so I could get out of it and leave her shop. She knew she could do a great job, she said, but there were too many questions about her work. I apologized if my questions were offensive, but I was merely trying to understand. Being an informed consumer is supposed to be a good thing. Oh, and she wanted to charge $700. She's delusional. I guess most of her customers throw down that much money without asking questions. Yikes.

So I went with a seamstress who works in a little shop who did the alterations for some friends of mine. She listened to my questions and answered them, and had some creative solutions for things the other seamstress didn't even consider. And she told me I looked great in the dress.

How to Be an Adult

So I am almost 27-years-old. In less than two months, I will have a master's degree (and hopefully a real job). In four months, I will be getting married. All these things sound like symptoms of adulthood, but I often don't feel like an adult. Don't get me wrong, I have been at this whole adult thing for a few years now, but it didn't feel adult. It's not that I am immature or live a wild lifestyle, I'm not really sure what it is.

A couple of months ago, some of my best friends decided they wanted to start a Finer Things Club (yes, it is a tribute to The Office). Basically, it's a monthly rotating dinner party. Last night, my FW and I hosted it at her house with three other couples (all married). Hosting a dinner party for three married couples--now that's adult. Granted, we did make pancakes which isn't extremely sophisticated. By the way, I had never actually made pancakes before, so what does that say about my culinary skills?

We had a really good time. Apparently being an adult can also be fun. Who would have thought? I guess I should try some other adult things to, as long as they don't include buying a house, settling down, or having a baby. My dog is enough responsibility for now.

The irony of all this is that I think I may have skipped adulthood and moved straight into senior citizenship. After all, I go to bed and wake up pretty early. I don't like loud noise and party-like atmospheres. I drive slowly. I eat lunch before noon, and I have been to a Bingo hall (more than once actually). I even sometimes dress like a grandpa. Just give me my AARP card already so I can eat the early-bird buffet at Golden Corral. Okay, I went too far with that last one. I will not be eating at Golden Corral anytime soon.

How to Slay Dragons

(By the FW)

Sometimes I forget that we're unconventional. It doesn't always feel like we're that different, but I guess we really are.

I picked up a book yesterday that is supposed to help you discover godly womanhood and discussed it with my G2B. I really liked a lot about the book, but so much of it was essentialist that it was hard for me to get past. Women want a man to speak for her, women want to be rescued (insert examples from movies here), little girls twirl in skirts waiting for their prince to come, etc. I'm pulling these things out of context, but the meaning is basically the same in the book. It's all meant to be honoring and empowering, but it's falling short for me.

Why would I want a man to speak for me? Support me, sure, but I want my own voice.

The author (a former feminist... how does that work?), recalls playing her favorite game of being rescued by a little boy masquerading as some alpha-male figure (knight, prince, etc.). I don't recall ever playing a game where I willingly played the damsel in distress. I was always the warrior princess.

I went through a phase as a little girl when I refused to wear anything but skirts (which was a problem given that I grew up in sub-zero Wyoming), and I did think about getting married and having a family. But I felt beautiful with or without a prince.

I'm so tired of being told I need rescue. Christ rescued me from death, that's all I need. I'm tired of my femininity being called into question because I've made non-traditional choices. I'm tired of struggling to embrace myself fully because I'm either too conservative or too liberal in my beliefs about gender according to someone else's (not God's) standards.

When we were dating, my FH and I had a conversation about mutuality and admitted to each other we didn't really know what it would look like in a relationship. So we've worked at it, and most importantly we've been who we are. My fiance is the strongest man I know. We embrace our gender differences and I honor his masculinity based on who God has made him, not books on being a man or the sexist assumptions our society carries. He honors my femininity the same way.

The point is we want to slay dragons together. God fights for us, anyway, protecting us with the Holy Spirit and lots of angels. But we're one, the two of us, and every battle is ours to fight together.

How to Choose a Last Name (Part 3)

So we have finally settled on a last name (at least it's final until we change our minds again). We both decided to use the hyphenated last name (hers first just because it sounds better). Out of all the possibilities, this was the least confusing (even though we know people will still be confused).

There are some disadvantages to having a hyphenated name. First, we know that most people will simply want to shorten it anyway because even in the 21st century, people still can't comprehend this. Oh well. Let them shorten it. Second, if our kids one day want to marry someone else with a hyphenated last name, then will they have four hyphenated last names? Again, we really don't care what they do? They can pick a name, keep all of them, or change their last names all together. It just doesn't matter to us. Third, people will automatically make assumptions about us based on the hyphenation in our names. Again, that's fine with me. It's better than what most people make assumptions based on, like appearance, accent, skin color. Ridiculous assumptions are like a trademark of humanity. We don't expect it to be any different for us.

I am really excited about this change. I know one of the common assumptions that I will get from people based on my hyphenated name is that I am not "wearing the pants in the relationship." Really this assumption is totally true (and I don't really understand the phrase to begin with because women have literally been wearing pants for years now). I don't "wear the pants" because my FW and I believe in equality and mutuality (picture us both wearing a giant set of pants with each of us in one leg if that helps). The reality is, we made this decision (like all of our major decisions) together.

It just made sense. We both talk a lot about equality, so we wanted a name that reflected that. Furthermore, I have personally felt the negative effects of sexist patriarchy, as has my FW. It is a repressive system for BOTH men and women. Why would I want to continue a tradition that reflects that tradition. I have no problem with other who take their spouse's last name. It just wouldn't be true to who I am, or who we are as a couple. This just fits us.

On a side note, our friend Lance says he is going to call us the "hyphens" now, at least until we sign the papers that make it totally official.

How to Eat

So neither my FH or I like to cook. I have a sort of super-human skill to avoid the grocery store and my kitchen stove for weeks at a time. We too quickly give in to the proposition of eating out when we start to look in the fridge for something edible. My mom is a wonderful cook and my sister has a side business making fancy desserts and wedding cakes. I never really cared to learn to cook, and my years on my own have not enticed me too either.

To combat this issue, we've decided to cook for each other once per month. That's right, so at least twice per month we cook. We should get a medal.

When we registered for kitchen stuff, we were overwhelmed with the sheer amount of gadgetry. I have to admit that we registered for a few things simply so my sister could use them when she comes over! We didn't know what half of it was. They are clever, though, the gods of marketing, when they make it sound like your life is impossible without their product. This allows me to make my own pasta in 3 minutes AND whole wheat waffles?? Gotta have it!

My reactions to culinary habits stem mostly from societal expectations for women to be domestic goddesses. (As I always said growing up, I'm domestically challenged) Few people emphasize the importance of cooking from the perspective of taking control of your eating habits, providing for yourself, and cooking as a communal, not solitary, activity. Those are all things I agree with and actually bring me some enjoyment.

Statistically, in dual income couples, the woman still does an overwhelming majority of the housework (including cooking). That's a pitfall we're trying to avoid by being intentional about how we provide meals for ourselves. Our combined schedule (and sanity) will still require some eating out, but hopefully planning and cooking together will encourage us to spend quality time and be healthy. Knowing that my H2B doesn't expect me to do all or even most of the cooking is a relief.


(Pics from Anne Taintor)

On another note, my brother-in-law has decided to refer to us as "The Hyphens" until we have decided 100% on a last name. :)