So we have finally settled on a last name (at least it's final until we change our minds again). We both decided to use the hyphenated last name (hers first just because it sounds better). Out of all the possibilities, this was the least confusing (even though we know people will still be confused).
There are some disadvantages to having a hyphenated name. First, we know that most people will simply want to shorten it anyway because even in the 21st century, people still can't comprehend this. Oh well. Let them shorten it. Second, if our kids one day want to marry someone else with a hyphenated last name, then will they have four hyphenated last names? Again, we really don't care what they do? They can pick a name, keep all of them, or change their last names all together. It just doesn't matter to us. Third, people will automatically make assumptions about us based on the hyphenation in our names. Again, that's fine with me. It's better than what most people make assumptions based on, like appearance, accent, skin color. Ridiculous assumptions are like a trademark of humanity. We don't expect it to be any different for us.
I am really excited about this change. I know one of the common assumptions that I will get from people based on my hyphenated name is that I am not "wearing the pants in the relationship." Really this assumption is totally true (and I don't really understand the phrase to begin with because women have literally been wearing pants for years now). I don't "wear the pants" because my FW and I believe in equality and mutuality (picture us both wearing a giant set of pants with each of us in one leg if that helps). The reality is, we made this decision (like all of our major decisions) together.
It just made sense. We both talk a lot about equality, so we wanted a name that reflected that. Furthermore, I have personally felt the negative effects of sexist patriarchy, as has my FW. It is a repressive system for BOTH men and women. Why would I want to continue a tradition that reflects that tradition. I have no problem with other who take their spouse's last name. It just wouldn't be true to who I am, or who we are as a couple. This just fits us.
On a side note, our friend Lance says he is going to call us the "hyphens" now, at least until we sign the papers that make it totally official.
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3 comments:
Congrats to the both of you. I fully support this decision, because I know it is one that you have made together, after much discussion and prayer. I am continually and increasingly proud of the two of you.
And now, with the niceties spoken forth, I must say this: the damnable patriarchal hegemony can kiss my fat white ass.
I love it! Congrats.
My sister and I had hyphenated last names (our parents kept their last names as given). My husband and I kept our last names as given and my son got my husband's last name (for aesthetic reasons, allegedly, but I think we may change that actually ...). Anyhow ... all that is to say it's nice to have the same last name but from experience I can tell you that hypens are a pain! But whatever works for you :) Good luck and congrats.
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