So my FW does not like the term bridesmaid. She decided to give each of her "bridesmaids" a unique title, eschewing the traditional terminology. I don't really have a problem with the term groomsmen unless I had a female attendant. I guess groomsperson is more gender neutral. Actually, I like the sound of that - groomsperson. It sounds so personal and friendly, not at all pretentious and sterile. Wow, I almost choked on my own sarcasm.
Okay, so I am really getting off course here. My point today was to talk about how to find the right people to be in your wedding. I am probably not the best person to talk to about this because while my FW asked her bridespeople to be in the wedding before we even got engaged, I have yet to ask one of my groomsmen. Also, I haven't seen my brother in about a month because he is out saving the world (yeah...). This doesn't bode well.
The Knot has some wonderful advice for choosing attendants... if you are a robot. It gives you all these criteria for judging how well someone might fulfill their duties. Are they responsible? Are they punctual? Will they dress appropriately? These are all wonderful things, but isn't the most important question - do you like this person? The other stuff can at least be faked for a day. I think even my brother can handle that.
The fact is that it was really hard for me to choose 5 people. There are really no rules for this. Some people have their parents and even members of the opposite sex standing with them. How long should you have known the person? What kind of relationship do you have now? Does that matter? What if they live far away and can't really attend most of the wedding/planning stuff? Does THAT matter? (I mean how much do they really do anyway?) Then there is the whole usher thing. You can ask other friends to be your ushers, but you don't want them to feel less important than the groomsmen. It's like you are being forced to judge your friends... to their face and in front of 300 people. That's just not cool.
While I am ranting about this subject, who came up with the term "Best Man." Isn't it a little arrogant? I believe Jerry Seinfeld said it best when he said, "If he's the best man, why isn't the bride marrying him? Shouldn't it be the groom and a pretty good man?" I agree. "Best Man" is far too judgmental of a term. Plus, it gives connotations that this person is the epitome of masculinity. I have been a "Best Man" before, so I can assure you that this is not the case. "Best Person" is even worse sounding even though it is gender-neutral. It's like putting a target on someone's back. Those are expectations no one can live up to. I am clearly over-analyzing here, but if you are still reading this blog, you have come to expect that.
So here's to our "Groomspeople" and "Bridespersons" to our "Best Persons" and "People of Honor." We love you all and couldn't do this without you, even you Kevin.
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5 comments:
I'm remembering that we toyed with the idea of having "groomswomen" and um, "bridesmen?"... while you had no philosophical objections to this idea, you didn't want to do it b/c it wouldn't look symmetrical... :)
I will not dress appropriately. I was thinking tuxedo shirt, chaps, and a pimp hat.
**scribbles down the idea of having groomswomen & bridesmen**
LK -- If you two don't have them, then I'm stealing your idea!
Matt -- Does this mean you'll also be drinking Kristal from a pimp cup at the reception?
Sometimes symmetry and aesthetic value must trump even the noblest ideas.
By the way Matt, all of the groomsmen will be wearing tuxedo shirt, chaps, and a pimp hat. I just need to run it by my FW.
I will need to know the colors so I can choose from my vast collection of pimp cups.
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